Christmas 1988

Vito opening presents on Christmas day, so cute.

Vito opening his train set.

Smokie playing with his new toy mouse.

Vito playing with Smokie.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Ten years

Vito and Scott, Christmas 2000

It's hard to believe that ten years have passed since we lost Vito.  Looking back I'm struck by the fact that Scott and I had only been married four years at the time.  From an oddly detached perspective I realized that it was a very young marriage to have to deal with such a loss.  

I wanted to write a very deep, profound poem to commemorate the date but writers block left me with only this short, basic refrain:

I miss your smile, I miss your eyes

I miss your fun loving ways.

I miss your hair sparkling in the sun,

I miss those simple days.

Love, Mom

Happy Birthday Vito

Thinking of you and missing you.  Love, Mom

Play time

Here's Vito riding a scooter at his Aunt's house in 1988.

More 1988 Pics

Vito in the dining room of my apartment in 1988

Our cat Smokie in 1988.  He passed away about a year later and Vito took it very hard.

Vito all psyched up and ready for school, Kindergarten.

Fall of 1988

Fun in the tub

Big Smile!

Crashed after a long day

  

Portraits 1986

These pictures came out really nice.

We got the 8x10 of this one, love it.

Group Picture 1987

Here's Vito with his Uncle and Cousins.  The girl's Mom took them all for the photo shoot and then gave us pictures.  Very nice.  

Decorated Eggs for Easter

Okay, well, it's a little late for Easter but I found these eggs when I was cleaning out the attic.  It's a project Vito and I worked on together when he was about seven.  We blew out the eggs and then decorated them with the materials provided in a kit I purchased.  It was a lot of fun and he was pretty proud of what he made and so was I.  A great day.

Vito and I at the beach, circa 1988

My Mom took these pics I believe.  I don't remember this day specifically but beach days always required a sunscreen ritual for both of us.

Some pictures of Vito from 1988

So big!

Being silly.

Winding down.

Not happy.

       Mother's day was yesterday, it's a bittersweet day for me.  I know I'm very lucky to have my Mom still around.  I enjoy getting her a little something, to show my appreciation for all she does, and spending some time together.  That's the sweet part.  

       For the bitter, well, the day inevitably comes with thoughts of "What if".  I can't help thinking about what I'm missing, what should have been, my due.  Scott, my husband, does an awesome job of making me feel appreciated.  He got me flowers and did my chores for me, but there will always be a void that no one can fill.  If Vito was still alive he would probably do something special for me.  Of course I can't know that for sure, but I imagine there would be some gesture.  I know it's silly but I feel cheated in a way. 

       Over the years I've learned to just nip these thoughts and feelings in the bud before they blossom into full blown nostalgia and despair.  I know now that I have to quickly rein in that cruel, nagging voice that always threatens to torment me on that day.  It rises up from the back of my mind whispering softly at first, then louder and louder "You're not a Mom, your child is gone, you don't deserve a Mother's day".  I know that voice, my inner critic, is wrong.  I also know where that voice comes from.  I know now I no longer have to fear it.  Someday, I hope, the voice will be silent.  Yes,  Mother's day is bittersweet.

Vito at Virginia Beach, Spring, 1987

Vito's first encounter with the ocean.  He loved the waves, running at them and running away from them.

Film gone bad from Christmas 1985

There are consequences when you don't develop film in a timely manner, especially if it took 15 years.  These pictures have been improved, somewhat, with Corel but are still pretty bad.  Sharing anyway.

Shy guy

New sled from Santa

Awesome Bubble Mower!

A few pictures from Vito's first birthday

His first piece of birthday cake.  I hand decorated it with frosting rosettes in the shape of Big Bird who was one of his favorite Sesame Street characters.

Enjoying being barefoot and 1 year old

8 to 9 months old, getting around and discovering the world

What a great face and look at that adorable foot!

"Tree bark, interesting."  Everything goes in the mouth.

On the move.  In the background is the farmhouse we lived in at the time.  The owners lived in the back half and we rented out the front half.

"So what's Mom up to with that camera?"