Silly Boy

I was thinking about this picture today but wasn't sure where I'd put it.  With Scott's help I was able to find it.  Vito loved being silly as this picture captures so well.  Vito's father gave us this picture, it was taken at Nick's wedding reception.  I'm told that's a mushroom in his mouth.

Vito circa 1992

Happy Thanksgiving!

Veteran's Day and 9 years

Lynn and Vito making snow forts, winter 96-97

     It's been 9 years today since we lost Vito.  As I write the tears inevitably come and I think about how different this day is from the one 9 years past.  It was a Sunday back then.  Our usual Sunday ritual is Scott walks to the store to get the paper while I make coffee.  When he comes back home we sort the paper together, his pile, my pile and the recycle pile.  Then we drink our coffee and read the paper.  Nine years ago we were deep in grief.  Scott did manage to go buy the paper and we sorted it to keep ourselves busy.  When we tried to read it we couldn't.  For weeks after that I couldn't read the Sunday paper.  I would go through the motions but nothing sank in.  Still, even now, reading the Sunday paper reminds me of that day, the day I couldn't read it.


     Today, November 11th, 2010, was very different from November 11th, 2001.  I started putting paneling up in our closet, did the laundry and other household chores, cooked dinner and only cried a little.  The heavy weight of grief has lightened.  I can still feel those scars that came from carrying all that weight.  They're tight, stiff and yet frail, but I can breathe and smile and carry on a bit easier now.  I miss him deeply.  I love him.  He made me a better person, a better Mom.  He taught me lessons no one else could.  I'm forever grateful and indebted to him, my son, Vito.

Baseball and Baby Bump

Vito at 6 weeks

So cute and happy, no date on the pic, 2-3 months I believe

I had Nick snap this pic just before we went to the hospital.  I'm in active labor and wearing the only clothes that would fit me for the past week.   We had just gotten home from my in-laws whose friends were visiting with their new baby.  I held the tiny newborn in my arms gazing at her in awe and aching for my baby to hurry up and arrive.  Less than 2 hours later that night my water broke.

1984 3-4 Months old

Wow, too early in the morning for flash bulbs.

Getting a lift from Dad and loving it.

"If heaven's all we want it to be...Send your prayers to me..care of 1983" ~John Mayer

Vito, one day old, October, 1983

Vito and Mike, December 1986

 For some time I thought this blog had come to it's natural conclusion but recently I've had a change of heart.  There are still some pictures around that haven't made the blog yet and some memories unwritten.  My perfectionist self tried to dissuade me from continuing with the argument that the new posts would be out of order.  My more forgiving self said "So what", the goal of the blog is remembering, not perfection.

So here's some pics of Vito and his Uncle Mike in the tub at my Mom's house.  I promised Mike I wouldn't embarrass him on this blog so I've done some cropping.

Having fun!  "Check out our bubble hats!"

Still having fun.

Oh, that's not nice.

Happy Birthday Vito! Love, Mom and Scott

Vito, born: October 1, 1983 died: November 11, 2001

The week before Vito died he was working out of town in Ithaca. He and his coworkers went down there to lay some tile. They stayed in a hotel all week and I really missed him. By the time he got home on Friday it was late and Scott and I had already gone to bed. Scott went downstairs to see him but I was tired and stayed in bed. On Saturday I got up at 5 am to go to work. Naturally Vito was still asleep and his door was shut. I was wishing I had gotten up the night before to visit with him.



I called home at lunch and Vito answered the phone. We talked for awhile. I told him his Dad had called for him. He told me about the job and how there were problems with mismatching tiles but otherwise the week had gone well. When I got home from work he'd already left the house. He left no word on where he was, or when he would be coming home. That was an issue we were working on. I was able to piece together the events of his last day by the accounts of others.


After lunch on Saturday he went over to his Dad's house and hung out with him for awhile. He left his Dad's and picked up his friend Jimmy and they went to Mojos for dinner. Afterwards the two of them went to their friend Tyrone's house and hung out there the rest of the evening.


Tyrone's Mom, Claudette, is very nice. After Vito died she brought over a plant and gave us an account of what the boys did that night. She was there, crocheting, as the boys played games, snacked, teased each other and laughed, a lot. She said she even joined in on the teasing when Vito used her bathroom and needed to spray, what seemed to be, a whole can of deodorizer.


About 1am Sunday morning Vito and Jimmy left to go home. Vito was driving his station wagon. It had rained all day so the roads were wet and the temperature had dropped to below freezing. He came to a curve in a section of the road that a family in the area told us is notoriously slippery. He lost control of the car and it apparently slid sideways. The car went on to the shoulder of the road and struck a tree on the drivers side.



 
At 4am that Sunday morning I was wide awake. I hadn't been sleeping well for months so it was nothing new. I went downstairs, looked out the window and, to my dismay, didn't see Vito's car in the driveway. I told myself he probably went to his Dad's house but I was still worried. I went back up to bed feeling very uneasy. At 4:10am I heard footsteps on the porch. I felt a wave of relief that Vito was finally home. Then I heard someone knock. Vito had house keys. Something was wrong. Scott and I threw on our housecoats, ran downstairs and opened the door. There was a Sheriff, 3 policeman and a Chaplain at our door. It was obvious what I was about to hear.

The Sheriff told us that speeding was not a factor in the crash. Vito's toxicology results came back negative for drugs and alcohol. It was just an accident. An accident on a stretch of rural highway notorious for accidents. A crash into a tree full of scars from previous crashes.

We placed a wooden cross bearing Vito's name in front of that tree to honor his memory. We hoped it would also serve as a warning to other drivers. Two years later it was splintered to pieces by another car crash. Luckily that driver survived. 

According to the FHWA (Federal Highway Administration) rural highway fatalities exceed the national average of fatalities despite the fact that fewer actual miles are driven on them. In 2007 even though only 23 percent of the U.S. population lived in rural areas, rural fatal crashes accounted for 57% of all traffic fatalities. Local highway agencies often do not have the resources to address known safety problems on the roads they maintain.

Vito's stuff

Some Music he liked.

Various items he kept.

Homecoming, 2001

Vito and his girlfriend Kelley at the Homecoming game.

Vito's friends were such a comfort to Scott and I after he died. They stopped by often and would tell us stories of their times with him. I wrote down some of them and wanted to add a few of Kelley's stories to this post.

There was the time they went to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner. When they came out of the restaurant they saw shooting stars in the sky. They spent a romantic evening continuing to watch them while sitting on the hood of the car in the parking lot.

One day she hung out while he mowed our yard. She thought he looked cute doing it but eventually got bored and, to entertain herself, started singing the Star Spangled Banner at the top of her lungs. He stopped the mower and came over and kissed her.

There was a sweet moment when she was upset and crying over something in the car and he reached over and gave her a hug.

It impressed her when, after he impulsively criticized her, he was mature enough to apologize.

Kelley likes cows. She had a stuffed one that said "Mirr!" Vito had a tendency to over do. The cow said "Mirr"....a lot!

Have a great Veteran's Day. Many thanks to the Veterans who serve for us, past and present.

We miss you Vito, it's been 8 long years without you.

Fall, 2001

Here's a picture of Vito taken at his friend's house. He's been working steadily for the carpet store and has actually applied for and gotten another job with an overhead door company. It's better pay with benefits too and he starts mid November. The engine on the '90 Grand Am I gave him seized up. He and his father try to replace the engine without success. His Dad gets him a deal on a used Plymouth Reliant station wagon. Not exactly a "chick magnet" car but it runs. For fun he hangs out with his friends working on cars, playing computer games, eating pizza and cruising around listening to music.

Flashback to July, 1997

Having a blast riding the Mind Eraser at Darien Lake, Scott, me, Vito, Michael and Mom. Never wear post earrings on the Mind Eraser, Owwww.

Senior picture

Vito wasn't going to get his senior picture taken despite my begging. I had to work the Saturday of his appointment so it seemed hopeless that I would get a picture. Luckily Scott was able to guilt him into it. I was so pleased. As you can see it's very nice. The vignette and frame was added by me using picnik photo editor (free).

Celebrating Grandma Linda's Birthday

August 31, 2001, Mom's house for her birthday party. Hanging out with Mike trying to avoid getting his picture taken.


The message to his persistent Mom had to be edited out but I think you get the picture (ha, ha).
Check out the shirt, Southpark, one of his favorites.

August, 2001

Vito went to the Jaguar show with Scott and is standing in front of an XK120.


At a family function he preferred not to attend (kinda cranky).

Flashback to 1983

Today is Vito's Birthday, he would have been 26. I came across this 5 generation picture taken on Christmas, 1983 and wanted to share it. On the left is Vito's Great, Great Grampa George, then Great Grandma Goldie, then Grandma Linda, then his Mom holding him at 3 months old. Happy Birthday buddy, love, Mom

August, 2001

Admiring a jeep at a car show he went to with Scott. Vito's a graduate now with his high school diploma. He pulled through at the last minute, barely passing English, and didn't have to go to summer school. We are all relieved but it was so close he didn't order a gown and couldn't be in the ceremony. He gets a job with a flooring and carpet store doing installations. I give him my old grand am so he can get back and forth to work. The boy has become a man.

Photography 101

Vito took photography his senior year. Most of the pictures he took were of friends and classmates, some of his teachers, some album covers and some of home. Above is his picture of his Dad's Dodge Ramcharger plow truck that Vito spent many hours working on to improve it's condition.


Here is his picture of his computer workstation in his room. Note the wires coming out of the front!



His South Park calendar.

Kit Kat hanging out in his room.

School Days, Senior year, June 2001

Vito's girlfriend gave me these pics of him goofing around with his friends in school.

Obviously a very serious course discussion.



Some censoring required.

Festus Success!

A truly proud moment for Vito after he convinces our cat Festus to sit on his lap. Festus is a stray we took in 3 years prior to this picture and very afraid of people. At that time it was rare for him to let someone pet him much less hold him. But Vito never gave up and slowly Festus warmed up to him. We still have Festus now, we estimate him to be about 13 years old. He's still terrified of strangers but extremely loving and loyal to Scott and I. There has never been a more devoted cat.


No sudden moves, don't want to startle him!

March, 2001

A relaxed Vito and silly Scott enjoying Grandma Goldie's 80th birthday party.

Christmas 2000

Ooooo presents!! Our last Christmas with Vito :-(

This beautiful leather jacket I picked out didn't go over so well. He ended up returning it, not really his style (he looked so awesome in it), oh well.

More clothes, not exactly the 4 wheeler he was hoping for.

Success, this "Spear Britney" was well liked and worn often.

Not enjoying getting his pic taken while eating at Grandma Linda's house. Of course he's never too far from the computer.

Age 17

Scott posing with our carved pumpkins. Vito's pumpkin is on the far left and reflects his growing lack of enthusiasm for our yearly carving tradition. He did make an effort but at 17 trick or treating is definitely not "cool".




Vito, far right, with some friends in December.

July 2000, Family Reunion

Spring 2000

My two handsome guys. Despite the solemn occasion, my great uncle John's funeral, I insisted on a photo. Vito being dressed up is a rare thing indeed as his usual outfit was jeans and a T-shirt. We arrived to the funeral in the nick of time and not many seats were left. There wasn't room for the three of us to sit together so Vito had to sit a couple isles ahead us to the right. The minister gave an incredibly touching eulogy with many lovely, personal anecdotes about our uncle John. At one point he spoke about how God loves us all despite our faults and sins. I looked over at Vito and there were tears in his eyes.

Same outfit but a different occasion. My graduation from LPN school. I never could have done it without the help and support of Scott and Vito. They both sacrificed so much to get me thru those grueling 10 months of classes, studying and endless hours of homework. I am forever in their debt.